THE ORACLE FORETOLD MY INTERNET VIRALITY
Now Look Upon My Works of Writing…and Be Baited into Clicking!
Oh it’s gonna be off the chizzain now that this multiple-college class-taking multi-hyphenate, up way-too-late-for-her-own-good artiste just realized absolutely anyone can publish anything they want on Medium, now…
I shall from here on out be making my opinions, and my knowledge…known!
So ye internet nerd/dweebs may gaze upon my word-splendor in aghast horror.
The things I will do to the English language will shock, amaze, and terrify you.
If you are a professor or an editor at any publication, really.
Cause right now I’m not writing for me.
I’m writing for you.
Clearly…dear reader…you are in need of help if you have stumbled onto one of my articles written whilst half asleep after cleaning in a frenzy for three days, because I’m terrified of an apartment inspection.
Have I mentioned I’m a grown-ass woman with no job, no spouse, no prospects, multiple invisible disabilities, and a whole host of physical and mental maladies that make simple questions like, “Are you okay?” into the most insanely complicated and difficult to navigate conversational minefield I may start weeping in the middle of?
Subjunctive clauses?
Get the eff out of here.
Run-on sentences with no sign of stopping or semblance of…ellipses are gonna be big, too, along with completely random topic changes mid-sentence.
You have this and more to look forward to as a liker and subscriber of my content!
Now like and subscribe to this shiz, and/or buy a painting, or tell your friends about how hot and cool and writerly of a writer I am now or something!
Wait, does anyone have any literary agent friends?
Can a confused artist comedy writing lady get a clap back?!
